Chicago

Did I ever mention that I loved this city? It’s a metropolis of self expression and creativity. There’s life teeming everywhere you go here. There’s beauty and a sense of pride from living in this city. This place is a soup bowl, and it has every ingredient that you’ll find in the market. I walk outside most days and I’m met with a blast of stimuli to all of my senses, some good, some not. But always something interesting.

Sometimes you see an amazing display of talent with musicians posted on a corner playing music for everyone walking by, and sometimes you walk out your apartment to see that your car was broken into. Regardless, you take the good with the bad. Luckily, there’s usually a lot more good. And the good reminds you why this is one of the of the most popular cities in America. There’s a spirit here that you won’t find in the suburbs of Illinois. It’s a fire and a longing for expression. It’s something that I could always appreciate during my time here.

I’ve grown here. You’re exposed to so much variety in culture and lifestyle that you expand your perceptions on how you view the world. Things like this will be carried with me everywhere I go in the future. You won’t find people as fearless here as you’ll find in any other place in Illinois. People here will show their true selves, and will tell you exactly what’s on their mind. No bullshit, no hiding, to some people from the Midwest it may be off-putting. But I respect that.

The lights never turn off, and the city itself feels like a living being. No matter where you are, from Uptown to the West Loop. It’s like every area has it’s own personality. It’s an urban jungle that I loved exploring when I first came here. Which is why I will miss this place dearly when I leave. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still be visiting here and there. But this chapter of my life is coming to a close, it’s time to start the next one in another home. But I will always be thankful of my time in the Windy City.

Until Next Time, Chicago.

3:41am

I’m sitting upright on my bed right now looking at the time.

One of the worst things about having a mind that thinks too much is that it can torture you at night.

During the daytime and at work, I’m surrounded by distractions. My thoughts during those times are of the present.

But at night, they’re all over the place. I ruminate on the past, I obsess over the future. And I don’t give the present enough time to relax so that I can start dreaming.

It’s tiring, physically and mentally. I’d give anything to be those people who could fall asleep in 10 minutes on concrete if they wanted to. I think it’s a super power.

But for me, I’m here on my comfortable bed.

I think about work coming up, am I ready for what’s to face me on the unit at the hospital?

I think about relationships I wish I had. Is it worth it to pursue her?

I think about my insecurities and I think about my anxiety.

Part of me wants to throw my laptop at the wall, but I don’t have the energy.

It’s funny how the mind can sometimes be your own worst enemy. I hope that I can reconcile with mine one day, maybe then sleeping will be easier.

Until then. I’m sitting here, awake at 3:53am.

1 Year Recap, and trying to get back into the groove of blogging

So I’ll admit it, I got lazy with this blog.

I stopped for almost a year. A large portion mainly because sometimes I will jump headfirst into new avenues of interest and find myself withdrawing my motivation from it shortly after. I think it’s part of my personality that I need to work on. I can be interested in something and still get lazy in participating with it.

But! I decided to come back here as I’ve had a longing to be able to express my thoughts again on a platform. I’ll do my best to keep posting on a more consistent basis. And I’ll be sticking to the normal topics that I’ve talked about in the past (life/culture/society/random insights).

In the year gap I’ve taken my life has taken some interesting turns. But the big highlights are:

1. I’ve switched from the medical side of nursing and have gone into psych nursing. I’ve come to realize how much I actually enjoy behavioral health and mental health in general is something that is important to me. I’ll be talking more about this in future posts.

2. I’ve decided to move away from the city. While It’s been a fun 2 years. I’m just tired of paying $3 for a gallon of water and overpaying for rent. Also finding a new dent or some other form of damage to my car because of side street parking is getting tiring. And on top of that I feel being away from the city will give me less opportunities to indulge in my vices, which is probably a good thing for me as sometimes I get a little to hedonistic on my weekends off

3. Still single. But I’m at the place in my life where I’m not ready for a relationship yet. I’ve realized the mid 20s are a crossing roads age where everyone around you is going into different paths of life. Some just bought a new house, some are getting married, some already have kids, some like me still wake up on a friend’s couch after a night out with a blaring headache and pangs of regrets once my memory starts getting back to me.

Cheers to getting back to this, I’m gonna try to focus on slapping myself if I don’t at least put up a new post once every 2 weeks.