I’m sitting upright on my bed right now looking at the time.
One of the worst things about having a mind that thinks too much is that it can torture you at night.
During the daytime and at work, I’m surrounded by distractions. My thoughts during those times are of the present.
But at night, they’re all over the place. I ruminate on the past, I obsess over the future. And I don’t give the present enough time to relax so that I can start dreaming.
It’s tiring, physically and mentally. I’d give anything to be those people who could fall asleep in 10 minutes on concrete if they wanted to. I think it’s a super power.
But for me, I’m here on my comfortable bed.
I think about work coming up, am I ready for what’s to face me on the unit at the hospital?
I think about relationships I wish I had. Is it worth it to pursue her?
I think about my insecurities and I think about my anxiety.
Part of me wants to throw my laptop at the wall, but I don’t have the energy.
It’s funny how the mind can sometimes be your own worst enemy. I hope that I can reconcile with mine one day, maybe then sleeping will be easier.
Until then. I’m sitting here, awake at 3:53am.